Monday, October 3, 2011
How honest are you with your spouse?
Marriage is probably the only institution where you get a certificate before taking the course. This implies that when two individuals come together as man and wife, they do not necessarily know "everything" about each other. As the marriage advances, they begin to discover things they previously did not know about each other. For example, a man may find that his new wife is sensitive and starts to cry anytime he points-out a fault in the most polite of ways. The wife may discover that her new husband is not a 'believer' in keeping the house orderly and routinely drops his clothes and stuff all-over the place like a 5-year old.
These are just examples as the discoveries that a husband/wife may make can range from the 'tolerable' to the 'totally unacceptable.' My question is: do you communicate your displeasure or irritation about your husband/wife to him/her or do you hide such in order not to 'upset' them?
Personally, I think one should be able to tell his spouse the truth about what he/she feels about their behaviour, dressing or other actions. You should be able to tell your spouse if they have dressed badly for example- "Sweetheart, you know I love you but you look like Winnie the Pooh in that outfit".
The reason for my taking this position is this: If you hide your true feelings about your spouse's behaviour, you may end-up spilling it all the day you have a big fight. Then they will know that all along you have been lying to them about those things you are now so angrily talking about. This creates a feeling of betrayal which is very difficult to overcome and may do serious damage to your marriage in the end.
Therefore, I think you should strive at all times to be honest with your spouse when it comes to what you really think of their behaviour, it helps to build trust and love. Each party knows when the other is really happy or angry and they can sort-out their differences faster and more amicably.